Recipe for a Successful Long Distance Relationship

Hi everyone! I hope everyone’s weekend is going well. It doesn’t feel like the weekend for me since I have had three exams in two days (exhausted is an understatement). But I’m excited because It’s officially FIVE days until I’m in Jasper and get to see my incredibly handsome and amazing boyfriend Paul. Which brings me to introduce to you the topic on today’s blog post: Long distance relationships. Paul and I are in a long distance relationship about 4000 km away from each other. We get to see each other about once every two months for a few days. I have been in two long distance relationships, one with Paul (which has succeeded) and the other with my ex (which was terrible). I wanted to make a post for those who are in a long distance relationship, or contemplating in being one and show them that long distance relationships can work.

Paul and I’s relationship is straight out of a movie. No, literally. If you have watched Going the Distance with Drew Barrymore Justin Long, that is literally Paul and I’s relationship to a TEE. Switch the New York buildings with mountains and there you have it. Paul and I only knew each other for six weeks before I moved back to Ontario and we decided that we wanted to pursue a long distance relationship (best. decision. ever)

Long distance relationships are difficult but worth it if you are with the right person. Paul makes long distance extremely easy whereas my past experience with a long distance relationship wasn’t so great. Paul and I both had been cheated on in past long distance relationships so deciding to pursue our relationship to be long distance was a very difficult decision for both of us. Even though we live thousands of miles away from each other, this relationship has been the healthiest and most amazing relationship I’ve ever had. 

Here are 6 steps to a successful long distance relationship:

1. TRUST: I cannot stress trust enough in not only a long distance relationship, but any relationship. I think that trust and loyalty are probably the biggest factors in a relationship. With Paul, I know if he decides to have some beers with his friends that he is going to be smart (I actually encourage him to go out and socialize more because he is such a homebody). With my ex, I hated when he would go out because I didn’t trust him. I knew he would be flirting (or going further) with other girls, it was a constant fight with him about going out. Paul respects and loves me and I trust him with all my heart. If you do not trust the person you are with, long distance won’t work because you will have no idea what they are up to and will constantly be worried. If you are a jealous person and trust is hard for you, I wouldn’t recommend a long distance relationship.

2. COMMUNICATION: Paul and I have a three hour time difference between us (not that bad, right?) Wrong. Paul likes to sleep... a lot. He works nights and he used to sleep in until 3 PM - 4 PM (not exaggerating). This became tough because 4 PM his time was 7 PM my time, meaning I’d go my entire day without hearing from him and that was tough. Not to mention he would start work at 5 PM his time so I literally would only get 15 minutes to speak to him a day. We realized this was effecting our relationship and had to fix this. We made a deal that he would get up at at least noon,that way we would have time to talk to each other. I’m not saying that you need to skype for five hours everyday, but to be able to send texts to one another, and have a skype date that lasts at least an hour every couple days. My ex for part of our relationship lived a 12 hour time difference from me and that was extremely difficult (mainly because he would rather party than make time to talk to me, he didn’t even make time on Valentine’s Day to skype me). Communication is a two-way street. If one person isn’t making the effort, it won’t work. If there is an issue, you will have to fix it like Paul and I did. 

Paul and I at Pyramid Lake in Jasper 

3. SEX: Okay, yes let’s talk about sex. Clearly you aren’t able to physically have sex with your partner since they are away from you. But you need to let them know that you still find them desirable. Sending flirty or sexy text messages to your partner will help the relationship grow and remain faithful. Were humans, we like sex, and we like to have our ego’s boosted. If you and your partner aren’t reminding each other how desirable you find each other, you or your partner will stray off and find someone who does and someone who lives conveniently closer.

4. BE STRONG: Fighting with each other is inevitable. You are far away from each other, you’re lonely, you’re sad, you are going to have disagreements and you won’t be able to have face-to-face contact to sort your arguments out. Realize that you will fight and that long distance isn’t exactly a perfect situation, but it will get better. Also, people will tell you that long distance isn’t going to work. People constantly told me that I shouldn’t be doing long distance because I’m too young, you’ll cheat on each other, you’ll fight too much, blah blah blah (although my good friends who know the guys I have previously dated are thrilled about Paul and could care less how far away he is). I have been told but numerous amounts of people that it’s not going to work. Guess what? IT HAS, and yours can too. 

Paul and I as King and Queen of Hearts for Halloween when he visited me in October

5. TALK ABOUT THE FUTURE: This is something Paul and I do all the time. Talking about your future with your partner makes you both excited to be with each other. I’m not saying you have to plan your wedding and talk about baby names (guilty) but talk about things you want to do with each other when you see them next. “We should go see The Sheepdogs next time you’re here” “I can’t wait to take you to this restaurant when you are here”. Paul and I are moving in with each other next year so we like to discuss how we want to decorate our apartment, and restaurants we will try in the area. Talking about the future helps you look forward to seeing your partner next. 

6. HAVE AN END DATE: You NEED to set an end date for when you two will be together permanently. Long distance relationships can’t go on forever. If neither of you are committed to being in the same city together eventually, it won’t work. This was a huge issue for Paul and I. I’m currently at University in Ontario and I would like to finish school at McMaster but Paul hates Ontario (I don’t blame him). He didn’t want to move to Ontario, but he weighed out the consequences and realized he may not like the location, but he would be happier with me in a shitty province than without me in a beautiful province. We also made plans to move to Alberta after I’m done school, so we both know that Hamilton isn’t going to be home forever. 

Paul is the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me. He is the sweetest, kindest, trusting, most handsome man I have ever met. Long distance is difficult, but he makes it totally worth it. People will tell you long distance relationships won’t work, but I’m here to tell you it can.